I think I start out by letting myself have a little treat, a day of indulging is fine (right?). I have brownies for dinner. I have a leftover brownie with breakfast. I make spaghetti for lunch........ by this time I'm toast really; I am already in a bad way of not wanting to do anything really..... struggling with "you really should get ___ done" and "wow, it would be so nice if I just laid on the couch (or bed) and watched movies (or TV) for just one more hour". In bed I of course want to eat more of that delicious pasta I made.
Anyway.. I ramble because I am SO sleepy this morning. My point to myself is- I MAKE myself lethargic and a bit morose when I eat breads, pastas, and sugars. Period. How sad this thought makes me! Because I already know how HARD it is to fight these urges. Now that I am not on medication I feel it is even more important to listen to my brain and my body and become a healthier person, but doing this alone is SO tough.
I think also I end up mentally just adding it to my huge mental to do list, and it feels even more overwhelming, and I find myself wanting a cookie just to ease my stress.
So the old adage "one day at a time" seems appropriate here, does it not? I don't really ENJOY falling back on old slogan from N.A. days, but... if it ain't broke, don't fix it, eh?
TODAY I will eat healthy. Unfortunately, I can't also say "today I will get my divorce paperwork in, finish my budget, do three loads of laundry, clean the sink full of dishes, help Gabe get all his past due homework done, cook a nutritious dinner, trim my fingernails, clean the hamster cage, go for a run, alter two pairs of pants so they fit me, get in 7 hours of work, go out with a new meet-up group to learn Israeli dance, listen to my hypnosis CD before sleep, and get to bed at a decent hour so I feel rested in the morning.
Heh heh. Oh well, huh? One little step forward at a time right?
1 comment:
I was thinking about this while I was running. Besides being all of that you also said you felt bitchy this weekend too. My first reaction, which i quickly put into check because its an unfair assumption in which I absolutely have no knowledge in, was that this was the beginning of a fall out from quitting your medication. After thinking that for two seconds I firmly put that aside. You are absolutely right. You go through these cycles. Since I have known you I have seen you go through them. The good thing though is that you are totally aware of it and you are ready to do what you need to do. Unfortunately right now you have to do this alone. But soon there will be a time when you will have someone else there to give you a little support that may make a huge difference for you.
As for the overwhelming to do list. One at time is the only thing you can really do. Some of it can wait and some of it can't. Some of it will get done and some of it won't. I would think about what kind of connections I want to make today and let that help me choose what I would feel is the most important things to do. You are a marvelous and amazing woman and there is an extremely short list of people that would even take up the fingers on my hand that do what you do everyday. Your task list would be daunting to even the most organized couple.
Post a Comment