Rescue form the Storm

I dreamt I was in a house, with about 18-20 other people. We were stuck there after a huge storm. We were being evacuated by the city. First a bus came and took all of our stuff away, it was more like a trailer truck with a HUGE flatbed trailer. We must have been mostly roommates because almost all of us had stuff at the house to get together. The others there were just visitors I guess. I remember it was really really difficult to get anything together. I had no idea how long of a stay I was looking at, possibly forever, and all my belongings were packed around in boxes, hampers, and bags, and we didn't really have much time at all. So I threw stuff in a green suitcase, an arm full of mismatched clothes. I went to put my tequila and vodka in and was informed they would not transport any alcohol. I was super super upset by this!

So the trailer took off with our stuff and we were to wait for a bus that would take us all away. I gathered another suitcase and packed some clothes in it, trying to come up with some way to hide the booze in it (this was really important to me for some reason!). I was with a boyfriend, but I had no kids. The house I was in was familiar to me, as if I have dreamt of it before. I walked around inside and noted some recent work that had been done, a new window put in the second bedroom, a wall fixed. I did not feel settled about the items I had packed, I did not feel prepared, and the general thought was that we were not coming back.

I saw the bus turn the corner out the window, and ran through the house shouting "cab's here!" like Paulie on Jersey Shore, which got some laughs. Right before we loaded our butts onto the bus I realized I didn't have any medications with me, and that this was NOT my house, but my boyfriends. I pleaded with the driver to let me run home, or he could drive by my home, to get my meds, but he said no. I was in absolute fear in the knowing that each medication I was on would come with its own sort of drastic effects from just stopping all at once, and there was nothing, nothing I could do. Then as we were driving away I realized I had cats that lived there and not only had I not seen them in days, throughout the 90-120 mile per hour winds and torrential rain and flooding, but I was not able to see them now or say goodbye and would probably never see them again.

It was a stressful heartbreaking dream, that I was relieved to wake up from I think. The majority of my feelings were loss, tragedy due to something completely out of my control, fear of the unknown, and knowing that my problems as an individual were made much less important by the huge number of people that were affected by this storm and the thousand of people that were being evacuated right along with me.

The last thought I remember having as I was getting on to the bus and sitting down was that here we were, in Florida, dealing aftermath and consequences of this epic storm, and over on the west coast no one probably had any idea what was going on over here, they were getting up, getting ready and heading in to work or school just like it was a normal day...

forgotten critters

I had a dream lat night that included a reoccurring item; a back room where I had bunnies, ferrets, umm, something that was attacking the bunnies... other fluffies... all that had been left and forgotten in a back bedroom. God, even just retelling it now makes me a little ill. Sometimes I dream about this house, I think.. oh I dont know, some how my dad factors into it, my real dad. In a previous dream someone had left behind all these animals and i had to take care of them because... because I was there, and no one else was going to (did I write about this dream before?). In last nights dream, I had long forgotten about these animals, and went into the back room to examine something in the back yard. And LO, there are these animals that are Im sure starving and completely dehydrated. It makes no sense they were even alive. A bunny was in the jaws of.. OH, maybe it was a cat! A big cat had it's mouth on the bunnies neck, and I pulled it off and held the bunny in my arms, petting it and making soothing tones, and it seemed okay, it's legs thumping on me a bit like bunnies do. And I realized I had totally neglected these animals in my back room, and couldn't believe they weren't dead. I also remembered that this was not the first time I had done this. I was in a state of dazed confusion, regret, and fear.

Wow.. am I really that overwhelmed? That is so heavy, man...

not another dream!

It's the ones that seems important, or uninterpretable, that I want to write down.  So :p

My dream was watching my son follow in my footsteps, literally, and forget to do his own life.  Him and I were at his school.  There were things I needed to take care of I guess, because I was staying there and walking around his campus, trying to find teachers and such... and Gabriel was staying with me.  Sooner than later it was after noon, after their lunch time, and he was still with me, and I was actually waiting in a line to talk to his teacher, when she saw him in line and called him over to inquire why he wasn't in class.  It all sort of shocked me then, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to his needs or his schedule.  He wanted to hang with me and I didn't mind that at all.  Realizing that I had been so wrapped up in my to do's that I had completely not paid attention to making sure HE took care of HIS to do's... it was just strange.  I felt dirty, like a bad parent who has been called out.

So that was not a fun dream!  Who wants to dream about being a selfish, self absorbed parent??

keeps shaking my reality

So, UGH, another dream!  What is up with me having these dreams that affect me so much in the morning?  It's like a constant these days, that I need a little adjustment time in the morning to re realize what's real and what was dreamt.  I have NO idea what that means psychologically or anything.

So LAST night, I had a streaming dream (it kept coming back when I would go back to sleep) that I lost my car in a downtown parking lot, or that I lost my son in a residential neighborhood.  The losing my son ended up being more earth shattering (I've had dreams before where I lost my car, it wasn't where I parked it, or I forgot where I parked it). 

The police would only help me if there was a body to identify.  I kept "forgetting" that my son was missing whilst getting into my day to day activities.  I had NO idea how to look for a missing child without help, like a search crew.  I walked around yelling "GABRIEL".  I woke up numerous times having to remind myself that in this reality there was no missing child that I was forgetting about, that he was with family in our neighbor state, safe.

On the last episode of the dream, there was a man at the intersection where I last saw my son, and he had three tracking dogs, and was magically there to help me.  One of the dogs grabbed his scent and almost immediately directed us to the holes in the street, to under the street, the sewer I guess.  We somehow pried up a manhole, and I yelled "gabriel" into it, and LO, there he was!  He was all oily, but in very good spirits for having been underground and alone without food or water for three days.  So... *sigh*.... I woke up so severely confused and heart-shaken.

I did note that all THREE cats were snuggled in with me when I awoke.  Did they know?  I twas quite comforting.  NOw of course I want nothing more than to stay home all day and nurture myself, for I feel that I have suffered a very real near loss.

night fears

I awoke at 4:00 a.m. from a dream that I guess really shook me up.

MG and I were in my car sitting in a parking lot.  What store and the why I do not know, only that I was tired and I believe I laid down on the front seat.  A car had pulled up two spaces beside us, full of truly ugly and badly aged men, and Michael knew them.  He had gestured to them, but it seemed to go unnoticed.  He gestured again a few minutes later and a few of the cronies nudged one guy in particular who was the "go to" guy I guess.  It was a drug deal.  The superlatively wrinkled man comes to the car with a bag and they do their "I'll take this and this, and three of that...".  In the front seat Im wondering how MG managed to hook up with new dealers here in Sunnyvale, why he decided to do this now in the middle of the day, in my car, without telling me beforehand.  The group of thugs in the car are now saying rude things MG's way about how indiscreet he is being (and really it's the other way around) and why is he still there... yada yada.. and MG is taking it.  I finally sit up and look over at them and say how we could have been long gone had they not waited so fucking long to come over to the car and still now continued to yak away, making things obvious, and more obvious still how stupid they were.

Then I drove away.  And MG was really pissed at me, starts yelling at me and calling me a ducking bitch or something.  Just for calling them out on their extremely stupid stupidity and bullshit.  He is humiliated that I busted their chops, it seems he want's their respect.

So there is a huge fight occurring between MG and I, as I am trying to drive.  He is leaning over from the back seat and yelling at me and I think even interfering with the steering wheel.  I decide Im going to pull over and just let him out, he can walk home, Im so pissed at this whole ordeal.  I am going too fast to stop as succinctly as I want to though, and we go careening in a circle in the middle of a highway.

At one point MG hands me the bag, saying "look, look what I got!", and it looks like treats and wine from 7=11 that he buys almost every day in real life.  I drop it out the window to show him that I don't care about that kind of crap anymore... and it falls and shatters, to which I feel bad about for about 7 seconds.  He is incensed.  

There is more driving while fueled with rage.  More careening.  At one point I am trying to get him out of the car, he is in the front seat now, and the passenger door is open, but he will not get out.  I want him to shut the door, but he is so wasted he can't manage anything, and I start swerving to avoid hitting parked cars with the door.

I hit... something... somewhere.  I don't remember if it was a hit and run, a pedestrian, a car, lots of speed bumps.  I am becoming worried about the condition of my car, and of the possibility I have done illegal driving moves I will get fined for.  SO there is a large forested park in the middle of the city that I slow down and start to cut through on the road.  It grows dark in there, covered by huge trees.  Suddenly a light comes on inside my dashboard that says car has been disabled, and I no longer have an y power in my vehicle except to brake.  It is pitch black, I can't see anything, the parked cars, nothing.  All I want to do now is park my car so my eyes can adjust and I can figure out what has happened.  My mind is racing with the possibilities of my dash lights meaning; did I damage my car too severely, did someone write down my license plate and the police remotely shut down my car?  I start asking drivers by for help parking my car, because I can see them via their headlights, and finally a guy pulls over and helps me, and gives me his cell phone.  I think I call Scion, and the news I get from them is... I don't remember... but I was feeling a little less hopeless about the situation.

Then my mother pulls up, and walks over.  And I am relieved to see her!  She hugs me, and I smile up at her and ask her how on earth she knew where to find me... 

Her voice is sweet and caring, "Oh, honey, you have no idea what this is all about?  Shar, you practically killed someone"

And inside me there is a tidal wave of life change.  Suddenly because of my rage and recklessness, my life is changed forever, and every direction I thought I might be going in my future is altered.  I felt weak and sick and horrified.

And I woke up.

Dreams that shake me so to my core are few and far between.  I have some ideas on this one, that I will ponder later.

dreaming of water and dirt

This morning in my dream I was landscaping a grandmothers yard.  I don't know or remember exactly who's house it was, but t was someone's grandmother.  It was located on a dead end street like my fathers mother, long since passed, but the house was nicer in my dream.  I had hired two friends, well one friend and her accomplished landscaping friend, to help me clean out these severely over weed infested flower beds.  They cleared out one flower bed on the side of the house only to discover an enormous jade plant.  It was beautiful, only they called it a maple tree or something.  In the front of the house there was a long rectangular flower bed running half the length of the yard, in which I discovered one long, super prickly blackberry vine rooted down in about 10 places.  I tried pulling it once with my hands, and got pricklys all in my fingers.  So the "accomplished landscaper" came over to help me, and we cut the vine and pulled out all the roots.  What we found underneath the mess in that flower bed was an oversized tree root from the huge tree in the center of the yard.  Supposedly it was the roots fault that the yard was such a disaster.  We cut it back, and they left a bunch of flowers for me to plant, and the yard looked gorgeous.  Only I was the one in the house, "grandma" was nowhere to be found.    Hmm.... at one point when I was cutting out the blackberry vine, a branch landed on my friends foot and she freaked out because she is allergic to ivy, and suddenly the blackberry vine was poison ivy.

Okay though, the weirdest, or perhaps more meaningful part of the dream, was after all this.  There had been heavy rain somewhere near where I was, but we weren't anywhere near an ocean or any large body of water.  It had not been raining where I was in the dream either.  None the less, suddenly up the street I saw a rush of water coming down towards our dead end.  It was a flood.  Oh yeah... hen I first walked out of the house, after the landscaping, the ground was covered with about 4 inches of water, and it hadn't been raining.  that's when I realized something bad was afoot.  Then the crashing wave of water about 5 feet high that came rushing down our dead end street, dissipating through the red cedar and chain link fence.  I went running into the house to catch the news, on the huge wooden cabinet console tv. 

Then my son woke me up.

I was full of inspiration this morning, but I went on to twitter first, and was amazed to see I had followers I had no idea about.  I got so caught up in checking them out that time got away and now I must leave soon to take the spawn to his LAST day of school as a first grader!  I took him out yesterday and splurged, got him a digital camera that does a nice amount of video too onto a 2 gb sd card.  It is a sweet little camera with user friendly cartoony icons, the brand is not coming to me right this second.  It ends in "ax", that is what I can remember.  From Wolf I also got him the two year protection service plan which will repair ANY damage.  Smart purchase that insurance I thought, for a soon to be 7 year old.

Okay, I had a dream last night.  It was all about the sons last day of school, and my memory.  The dream started with me at work and it was nearing 5:00 p.m.   think I realized that I was supposed to pick up Gabeish at 11:40 and started panicking that I would have missed the pick up AND that no one called me, when I realized he was there at the office with me.  I was n a deeply puzzled state, because I realized I had no memory of anything before the present, no memory of getting him to school, getting to the office, picking him back up, anything.  It was seriously freaking me out.  So much so that there was a deep deep sense of relief in me when I finally wriggled in bed and saw my bedroom window, which dragged me far enough into wake land to realize it was a dream.  The most alarming thing of the dream is the sense of panic it instilled in me, the WEIGHT of the relief was solid enough to actually cut with scissors I'm sure.

There were other things in the dream too.  Monica had bought a huge amount of chocolate ingestibles, I assume for her trip to LA, and the fridge was full of cookies, chocolate milk, little cream filled bite sized chocolate thingys.  I succumbed, eating handfuls of snacks.  Her dogs were blocked off to half of the downstairs of the house too, doors were shut and couches and pillows were stacked up in childhood fort style, to keep them from the rest of the house.   Neither of these things would ever happen in real life.

So now it is getting later and I want to shower before I venture out into the "THEM" that is this community of man I live in.  I want to stay home today!  I want to write!  I want to craft!  I want to collect massive amounts of cat hair on my back side from lounging on my bed!  And for your viewing pleasure, to go with my wants list, here is my baby Spackle watching me knit the other day.  You can almost see the evil glint in his eyes as he fights the urge to slay my yarn.