Rescue form the Storm

I dreamt I was in a house, with about 18-20 other people. We were stuck there after a huge storm. We were being evacuated by the city. First a bus came and took all of our stuff away, it was more like a trailer truck with a HUGE flatbed trailer. We must have been mostly roommates because almost all of us had stuff at the house to get together. The others there were just visitors I guess. I remember it was really really difficult to get anything together. I had no idea how long of a stay I was looking at, possibly forever, and all my belongings were packed around in boxes, hampers, and bags, and we didn't really have much time at all. So I threw stuff in a green suitcase, an arm full of mismatched clothes. I went to put my tequila and vodka in and was informed they would not transport any alcohol. I was super super upset by this!

So the trailer took off with our stuff and we were to wait for a bus that would take us all away. I gathered another suitcase and packed some clothes in it, trying to come up with some way to hide the booze in it (this was really important to me for some reason!). I was with a boyfriend, but I had no kids. The house I was in was familiar to me, as if I have dreamt of it before. I walked around inside and noted some recent work that had been done, a new window put in the second bedroom, a wall fixed. I did not feel settled about the items I had packed, I did not feel prepared, and the general thought was that we were not coming back.

I saw the bus turn the corner out the window, and ran through the house shouting "cab's here!" like Paulie on Jersey Shore, which got some laughs. Right before we loaded our butts onto the bus I realized I didn't have any medications with me, and that this was NOT my house, but my boyfriends. I pleaded with the driver to let me run home, or he could drive by my home, to get my meds, but he said no. I was in absolute fear in the knowing that each medication I was on would come with its own sort of drastic effects from just stopping all at once, and there was nothing, nothing I could do. Then as we were driving away I realized I had cats that lived there and not only had I not seen them in days, throughout the 90-120 mile per hour winds and torrential rain and flooding, but I was not able to see them now or say goodbye and would probably never see them again.

It was a stressful heartbreaking dream, that I was relieved to wake up from I think. The majority of my feelings were loss, tragedy due to something completely out of my control, fear of the unknown, and knowing that my problems as an individual were made much less important by the huge number of people that were affected by this storm and the thousand of people that were being evacuated right along with me.

The last thought I remember having as I was getting on to the bus and sitting down was that here we were, in Florida, dealing aftermath and consequences of this epic storm, and over on the west coast no one probably had any idea what was going on over here, they were getting up, getting ready and heading in to work or school just like it was a normal day...

keeps shaking my reality

So, UGH, another dream!  What is up with me having these dreams that affect me so much in the morning?  It's like a constant these days, that I need a little adjustment time in the morning to re realize what's real and what was dreamt.  I have NO idea what that means psychologically or anything.

So LAST night, I had a streaming dream (it kept coming back when I would go back to sleep) that I lost my car in a downtown parking lot, or that I lost my son in a residential neighborhood.  The losing my son ended up being more earth shattering (I've had dreams before where I lost my car, it wasn't where I parked it, or I forgot where I parked it). 

The police would only help me if there was a body to identify.  I kept "forgetting" that my son was missing whilst getting into my day to day activities.  I had NO idea how to look for a missing child without help, like a search crew.  I walked around yelling "GABRIEL".  I woke up numerous times having to remind myself that in this reality there was no missing child that I was forgetting about, that he was with family in our neighbor state, safe.

On the last episode of the dream, there was a man at the intersection where I last saw my son, and he had three tracking dogs, and was magically there to help me.  One of the dogs grabbed his scent and almost immediately directed us to the holes in the street, to under the street, the sewer I guess.  We somehow pried up a manhole, and I yelled "gabriel" into it, and LO, there he was!  He was all oily, but in very good spirits for having been underground and alone without food or water for three days.  So... *sigh*.... I woke up so severely confused and heart-shaken.

I did note that all THREE cats were snuggled in with me when I awoke.  Did they know?  I twas quite comforting.  NOw of course I want nothing more than to stay home all day and nurture myself, for I feel that I have suffered a very real near loss.

night fears

I awoke at 4:00 a.m. from a dream that I guess really shook me up.

MG and I were in my car sitting in a parking lot.  What store and the why I do not know, only that I was tired and I believe I laid down on the front seat.  A car had pulled up two spaces beside us, full of truly ugly and badly aged men, and Michael knew them.  He had gestured to them, but it seemed to go unnoticed.  He gestured again a few minutes later and a few of the cronies nudged one guy in particular who was the "go to" guy I guess.  It was a drug deal.  The superlatively wrinkled man comes to the car with a bag and they do their "I'll take this and this, and three of that...".  In the front seat Im wondering how MG managed to hook up with new dealers here in Sunnyvale, why he decided to do this now in the middle of the day, in my car, without telling me beforehand.  The group of thugs in the car are now saying rude things MG's way about how indiscreet he is being (and really it's the other way around) and why is he still there... yada yada.. and MG is taking it.  I finally sit up and look over at them and say how we could have been long gone had they not waited so fucking long to come over to the car and still now continued to yak away, making things obvious, and more obvious still how stupid they were.

Then I drove away.  And MG was really pissed at me, starts yelling at me and calling me a ducking bitch or something.  Just for calling them out on their extremely stupid stupidity and bullshit.  He is humiliated that I busted their chops, it seems he want's their respect.

So there is a huge fight occurring between MG and I, as I am trying to drive.  He is leaning over from the back seat and yelling at me and I think even interfering with the steering wheel.  I decide Im going to pull over and just let him out, he can walk home, Im so pissed at this whole ordeal.  I am going too fast to stop as succinctly as I want to though, and we go careening in a circle in the middle of a highway.

At one point MG hands me the bag, saying "look, look what I got!", and it looks like treats and wine from 7=11 that he buys almost every day in real life.  I drop it out the window to show him that I don't care about that kind of crap anymore... and it falls and shatters, to which I feel bad about for about 7 seconds.  He is incensed.  

There is more driving while fueled with rage.  More careening.  At one point I am trying to get him out of the car, he is in the front seat now, and the passenger door is open, but he will not get out.  I want him to shut the door, but he is so wasted he can't manage anything, and I start swerving to avoid hitting parked cars with the door.

I hit... something... somewhere.  I don't remember if it was a hit and run, a pedestrian, a car, lots of speed bumps.  I am becoming worried about the condition of my car, and of the possibility I have done illegal driving moves I will get fined for.  SO there is a large forested park in the middle of the city that I slow down and start to cut through on the road.  It grows dark in there, covered by huge trees.  Suddenly a light comes on inside my dashboard that says car has been disabled, and I no longer have an y power in my vehicle except to brake.  It is pitch black, I can't see anything, the parked cars, nothing.  All I want to do now is park my car so my eyes can adjust and I can figure out what has happened.  My mind is racing with the possibilities of my dash lights meaning; did I damage my car too severely, did someone write down my license plate and the police remotely shut down my car?  I start asking drivers by for help parking my car, because I can see them via their headlights, and finally a guy pulls over and helps me, and gives me his cell phone.  I think I call Scion, and the news I get from them is... I don't remember... but I was feeling a little less hopeless about the situation.

Then my mother pulls up, and walks over.  And I am relieved to see her!  She hugs me, and I smile up at her and ask her how on earth she knew where to find me... 

Her voice is sweet and caring, "Oh, honey, you have no idea what this is all about?  Shar, you practically killed someone"

And inside me there is a tidal wave of life change.  Suddenly because of my rage and recklessness, my life is changed forever, and every direction I thought I might be going in my future is altered.  I felt weak and sick and horrified.

And I woke up.

Dreams that shake me so to my core are few and far between.  I have some ideas on this one, that I will ponder later.