My dream was watching my son follow in my footsteps, literally, and forget to do his own life. Him and I were at his school. There were things I needed to take care of I guess, because I was staying there and walking around his campus, trying to find teachers and such... and Gabriel was staying with me. Sooner than later it was after noon, after their lunch time, and he was still with me, and I was actually waiting in a line to talk to his teacher, when she saw him in line and called him over to inquire why he wasn't in class. It all sort of shocked me then, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to his needs or his schedule. He wanted to hang with me and I didn't mind that at all. Realizing that I had been so wrapped up in my to do's that I had completely not paid attention to making sure HE took care of HIS to do's... it was just strange. I felt dirty, like a bad parent who has been called out.
So that was not a fun dream! Who wants to dream about being a selfish, self absorbed parent??
3 comments:
Do you think it was about the dependency thing? Not so much him on you, but you on him? I wonder at the dirty part... as though you are feeling guilty because you rely on him as much as he relies on you and somehow that is wrong? I think we forgot sometimes how we are all dependent on each other. Even though, as a parent, you have to put your own needs aside sometimes, there is nothing wrong with wanting that connection to stay. Gabe is young enough still where you don't have to try and push him out on his own... he's going to find his own identity with you there to support him. The key will be when he is ready to break free that you let him do that -- and I think you will when that time comes. Remember, it's all about balance... being a mom, being a woman, being a professional... if you don't maintain that balance it will be hard for both of you... am I making any sense at all? Or am I completely off the mark... LOL... Love you sweet cake!!!!
I have nightmares like this sometimes too. Sometimes parents need to be a little selfish. It is healthy so you don't have to feel bad about that. I need to learn to be a bit more selfish with my time but it is really tough if you are the primary care giver.
Gabe is a great kid from what I can see though! You are a fantastic mom that he loves very much. I can see that in his eyes in your photos.
We parents all hope our children won't make the same mistakes we did but we can't live for them. No matter how much we'd like to sometimes.
Michael is a big mama's boy and not very thick skinned. Plus it doesn't help that we have a family chalk full of cry babies, lol. He and Kaliana have a rough road in the future mentally if they take after... well... pretty much anyone in my or Jason's families. What can you do but try your best as a mother to do your best to be a good mom. I am proud of you and me for how well we've done so far! Being a parent is probably the toughest job on Earth and we don't even get paid to do it!
Well, since he probably is going to learn more outside the classroom than in it, you could take it as that you did better to let him have a day of actual learning.
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