Being married is great. Spending every day with the same person, that's kinda sucky. Seriously.
Since I find myself alone in a deeply personal way... I have been trying to identify what I need to find my center. I pushed myself to get my sewing room set up yesterday, got it all ready to do some T-shirt art, sat down to, well, DO it.... and WHAM a HUGE wall of super tired hit me. What is that? my brain saying screw you? My emotional center saying don't you dare open me up? I mean seriously?
I made a potential new girlfriend.... she's clever, she's tough...... she's.... she's.... oh hell, who am I kidding, she's got more drama than any chick I've ever had before in my life! Probably for the first time ever I'm like "seriously Shar? I don't think you have the energy to have another relationship with crazy". She really is cool, but, yeah...... it seems every week there are two or even three things that happen TO her (not because of her, get it?) that cause stress, exhaustion and brokenness. I've got my own stress, exhaustion and brokenness to deal with! Seriously....
I live in a world where people prefer to mask reality and escape from it. I do it too. Not ever allowing myself to get away mentally is scary. BUT... the thought flutters through my head that I have sort of forgotten how to cope with reality. Run away from it, yes. Mask it, sure. But be in it, deal with it? I watch way too much TV... I am prone to drinking too many evenings... I love how carbs seem to dull my senses. I am NOT happy with this life. I do not have the sense that were my life to be over today that I would feel I lived to my potential. That being said, when I try to push past this, I struggle, and don't seem to make real headway. What is up with that?
On that note..... Here's that glorious boy that I have been blessed with parenting.. enjoying Oregon, his summer, his grandparents. I always miss him during the summer. I always enjoy a break from parenting. I don't know where my life would be without the focus of parenting.
