dreaming of water and dirt

This morning in my dream I was landscaping a grandmothers yard.  I don't know or remember exactly who's house it was, but t was someone's grandmother.  It was located on a dead end street like my fathers mother, long since passed, but the house was nicer in my dream.  I had hired two friends, well one friend and her accomplished landscaping friend, to help me clean out these severely over weed infested flower beds.  They cleared out one flower bed on the side of the house only to discover an enormous jade plant.  It was beautiful, only they called it a maple tree or something.  In the front of the house there was a long rectangular flower bed running half the length of the yard, in which I discovered one long, super prickly blackberry vine rooted down in about 10 places.  I tried pulling it once with my hands, and got pricklys all in my fingers.  So the "accomplished landscaper" came over to help me, and we cut the vine and pulled out all the roots.  What we found underneath the mess in that flower bed was an oversized tree root from the huge tree in the center of the yard.  Supposedly it was the roots fault that the yard was such a disaster.  We cut it back, and they left a bunch of flowers for me to plant, and the yard looked gorgeous.  Only I was the one in the house, "grandma" was nowhere to be found.    Hmm.... at one point when I was cutting out the blackberry vine, a branch landed on my friends foot and she freaked out because she is allergic to ivy, and suddenly the blackberry vine was poison ivy.

Okay though, the weirdest, or perhaps more meaningful part of the dream, was after all this.  There had been heavy rain somewhere near where I was, but we weren't anywhere near an ocean or any large body of water.  It had not been raining where I was in the dream either.  None the less, suddenly up the street I saw a rush of water coming down towards our dead end.  It was a flood.  Oh yeah... hen I first walked out of the house, after the landscaping, the ground was covered with about 4 inches of water, and it hadn't been raining.  that's when I realized something bad was afoot.  Then the crashing wave of water about 5 feet high that came rushing down our dead end street, dissipating through the red cedar and chain link fence.  I went running into the house to catch the news, on the huge wooden cabinet console tv. 

Then my son woke me up.

I was full of inspiration this morning, but I went on to twitter first, and was amazed to see I had followers I had no idea about.  I got so caught up in checking them out that time got away and now I must leave soon to take the spawn to his LAST day of school as a first grader!  I took him out yesterday and splurged, got him a digital camera that does a nice amount of video too onto a 2 gb sd card.  It is a sweet little camera with user friendly cartoony icons, the brand is not coming to me right this second.  It ends in "ax", that is what I can remember.  From Wolf I also got him the two year protection service plan which will repair ANY damage.  Smart purchase that insurance I thought, for a soon to be 7 year old.

Okay, I had a dream last night.  It was all about the sons last day of school, and my memory.  The dream started with me at work and it was nearing 5:00 p.m.   think I realized that I was supposed to pick up Gabeish at 11:40 and started panicking that I would have missed the pick up AND that no one called me, when I realized he was there at the office with me.  I was n a deeply puzzled state, because I realized I had no memory of anything before the present, no memory of getting him to school, getting to the office, picking him back up, anything.  It was seriously freaking me out.  So much so that there was a deep deep sense of relief in me when I finally wriggled in bed and saw my bedroom window, which dragged me far enough into wake land to realize it was a dream.  The most alarming thing of the dream is the sense of panic it instilled in me, the WEIGHT of the relief was solid enough to actually cut with scissors I'm sure.

There were other things in the dream too.  Monica had bought a huge amount of chocolate ingestibles, I assume for her trip to LA, and the fridge was full of cookies, chocolate milk, little cream filled bite sized chocolate thingys.  I succumbed, eating handfuls of snacks.  Her dogs were blocked off to half of the downstairs of the house too, doors were shut and couches and pillows were stacked up in childhood fort style, to keep them from the rest of the house.   Neither of these things would ever happen in real life.

So now it is getting later and I want to shower before I venture out into the "THEM" that is this community of man I live in.  I want to stay home today!  I want to write!  I want to craft!  I want to collect massive amounts of cat hair on my back side from lounging on my bed!  And for your viewing pleasure, to go with my wants list, here is my baby Spackle watching me knit the other day.  You can almost see the evil glint in his eyes as he fights the urge to slay my yarn.

randomness

I forgot my blog password!  I had many, many brilliant things to ponder, and the writing of such things has all been lost now due to my inability to record passwords....

I cut up all my credit cards today.  It may be true that my emotional waves this past week are all extended-PMS-caused, but it is also factual tha

t I have a SERIOUS emotional connection to shopping, and it is getting me into some serious trouble again.  Cutting up all my cards is step one.  Step two I believe is adding up all my credit card debt and writing out a biweekly payment plan I can afford and can stick to.  Lately it seems credit cards are the way I have been able to stick to my spending plan for paying my share of rent and bills and still escape emotionally into my world of carefree excess.  I have a problem!

Problems.. bleh... it seems I am in a living quandary.  I do not feel comfortable with m

y living situation right now.  I am the single person responsible for house cleaning, grocery shopping, calendar keeping, cat upkeep, bill paying.  I can't completely complain about this, since I do seem to be a person who likes to be in control.  Or I should say, I am more comfortable being IN control than NOT in control.  Being the one person who cleans house and does all the home management stuff also makes me feel more inclined to pay less toward house things also, and that's a good thing.  There is a depressing air here though.  There is a "den of iniquity" so to speak also, drinking, smoking, sleeping all day, waiting for me around every corner of this home, more than willing to let me slip into it's anesthetizing haze.  I get frustrated feeling like somehow I always need to be a little bit stronger than I am.  Of course, I also set myself up to feel like I fall short of where I think I am "supposed" to be, because feeling not good enough is my old comfort zone.  I am tangled in a mental mess of misconceptions and emotional scabs.  Eewwww...

My shopping therapy today consisted of roller skates and all the gear for my son and I!  Yes,

 this was immediately before I cut up all my cards.  Roller skates are something I have wanted to get for a couple years now, so it is sort of SERIOUSLY cool, es

pecially since Gabers put them on and is all ready to learn with me!

Hmmmm, do I have anything else to mutter about tonight?  No, not really, since Gabe is here now needing to be prodded into bed instead of Watching MG play GTA4.  I still have to get two hours of work in.  I had all weekend to do this work of course, but I am a professional procrastinator.  it seems the amount of TV I watch is directly proportionate to how much work I also need to get done over the weekend.