control

I feel controlled by my emotions. Is it like that for everyone? I Have a good day because my emotions coincide with the things I want to accomplish. I have a bad day when my emotions prevent me from doing the things I want to do, and instead sort of push me into being lazy, or even so TIRED that I just have to lay down and/or sleep most of the day. Then I have the self critical feelings that come in and bring me down after spending a day doing nothing-much-of-anything.

Yesterday the morning started out nice... cozy in bed with coffee, watching Lost and Dollhouse. Dishes, park, reading, then home to get more work done, when suddenly a WALL of tired hit me and *BAM* I was incapacitated for the remainder of the day.

This morning I am fighting the urge to stay home and in bed all day. I have this overbearing feeling that I need a day of nothing. Where does that feeling come from? I feel like it gets in my way.

So amidst all this struggling with having top push myself or give in, I have my food issues. If I stuck to "plan" and ate what is listed on my daily food menu, I would lose weight. Easy as pie. When I don't, I gain back. Then it takes me those 5 work days to lose what I lost, only to hit another weekend and lose the control... What impulses am I acting on? THe tiredness and the eating seem to go hand in hand... I dunno. Feel a little like my head is spinning with all this control/loss of control crap.

Go to a new psychiatrist Friday.