randomness

I forgot my blog password!  I had many, many brilliant things to ponder, and the writing of such things has all been lost now due to my inability to record passwords....

I cut up all my credit cards today.  It may be true that my emotional waves this past week are all extended-PMS-caused, but it is also factual tha

t I have a SERIOUS emotional connection to shopping, and it is getting me into some serious trouble again.  Cutting up all my cards is step one.  Step two I believe is adding up all my credit card debt and writing out a biweekly payment plan I can afford and can stick to.  Lately it seems credit cards are the way I have been able to stick to my spending plan for paying my share of rent and bills and still escape emotionally into my world of carefree excess.  I have a problem!

Problems.. bleh... it seems I am in a living quandary.  I do not feel comfortable with m

y living situation right now.  I am the single person responsible for house cleaning, grocery shopping, calendar keeping, cat upkeep, bill paying.  I can't completely complain about this, since I do seem to be a person who likes to be in control.  Or I should say, I am more comfortable being IN control than NOT in control.  Being the one person who cleans house and does all the home management stuff also makes me feel more inclined to pay less toward house things also, and that's a good thing.  There is a depressing air here though.  There is a "den of iniquity" so to speak also, drinking, smoking, sleeping all day, waiting for me around every corner of this home, more than willing to let me slip into it's anesthetizing haze.  I get frustrated feeling like somehow I always need to be a little bit stronger than I am.  Of course, I also set myself up to feel like I fall short of where I think I am "supposed" to be, because feeling not good enough is my old comfort zone.  I am tangled in a mental mess of misconceptions and emotional scabs.  Eewwww...

My shopping therapy today consisted of roller skates and all the gear for my son and I!  Yes,

 this was immediately before I cut up all my cards.  Roller skates are something I have wanted to get for a couple years now, so it is sort of SERIOUSLY cool, es

pecially since Gabers put them on and is all ready to learn with me!

Hmmmm, do I have anything else to mutter about tonight?  No, not really, since Gabe is here now needing to be prodded into bed instead of Watching MG play GTA4.  I still have to get two hours of work in.  I had all weekend to do this work of course, but I am a professional procrastinator.  it seems the amount of TV I watch is directly proportionate to how much work I also need to get done over the weekend.